The expectation with Christmas is intense. Coping with a young family is another level. What did I do to keep my sanity and still do to actually enjoy this beautiful time of year – it might surprise you.
With Christmas comes a lot of pressure, expectations and demands. I know it doesn’t have to, but socially it feels like it gets more intense every year. Personally, I don’t like a lot of pressure, especially when I am supposed to be enjoying a moment like Christmas and the lead up to it. I was finding it was just becoming a hard slog with limited happiness or joy, until I flipped it around and began using photography to make it fun – again!
Coping with the pressures of Christmas and a young family
20 years ago when I had my first child I wasn’t coping with the pressures of Christmas. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you much of the detail but with a newborn comes lack of sleep, stress and the steep learning curve of being a parent for the first time! Needless to say, I really wasn’t coping. And I will encourage anyone reading this who feels they may have post-natal depression, please go and see your GP and openly discuss how you are feeling. It’s something I wish I did, but I was too stubborn to see it and honestly, I was in deep, not coping with the tiredness and having a small human need me so much. I should also share that my first child had terrible gut issues and was in pain so didn’t sleep so well.
You will be glad to know that my first child finally settled down (at the age of 2!!) and life resumed to a somewhat happier state. It wasn’t until I had my third child, a year later (3 years between them), that I began to feel the pressures of Christmas whilst juggling two little ones. This was whilst I was running my own photography business, consulting to an organisation on their marketing and keeping the family functioning with general mum jobs. I honestly really started to dread the thought of Christmas and all that came with it. I was supposed to be happy and cheerful – but all I felt was regret. I was also questioning my marriage with my husband at the time as I felt quite lonely on the parenting journey.
Turning the focus back on what could fill my cup
At the time I had started a little bit of scrapbooking with the encouragement of a friend of mine which surprised me but shouldn’t have surprised me because I forgot how much I loved to do crafty activities. I seriously I felt like I was back in school having fun sticking and pasting! I was subscribed to a Scrapbooking magazine and discovered an upcoming ‘Scrapbooker’, Ali Edwards. At the time, 2008, she came up with a scrapbooking project called December Daily ™ which was documenting the 25 days in the lead up to Christmas through photographs and journaling. (you can read all about her projects on her website & purchase kits etc!)
It was a project that took my interest and since it combined my love of photography with the love of my family and scrapbooking I decided I would give it a go! Back then you began preparing your scrapbook in October so that by December 1 it was all ready to go and you would simply add photos and journal around it. I loved it!
How did I find true joy in the midst of Christmas?
In capturing every day in the lead up to Christmas I found I had to look for the joy in the everyday life of us, capture fun outings we might have done (like visit Santa) or looking at Christmas lights in the area, extended family dinners – you name it I captured it! As I was a photographer working for clients doing their weddings or family portraits at the time, I found I kind of treated it like capturing for a client. And with that attitude came the joy and positive nature of photographing happy moments (or at least looking for those moments in the mundane!).
What I love about Ali’s approach is that she is truly about celebrating the everyday through the lens. Even if it meant capturing me hanging out the washing or cooking a meal, it was celebrated. Because when you think about it, photography is very much about celebrating something. We hire a photographer for a wedding, a special anniversary or birthday celebration and for family portraits to remember our family at that stage, etc.
I didn’t have a plan every day during December, although it did become a standard joke that we couldn’t do activities in November because we needed to have something fun for December to capture for the December Daily ™! But I did have a plan to capture moments of the day every single day for the 25 days in the lead up to Christmas.
How was my attitude impacted during this time?
What I noticed was how much fun I was having and seeing the results. I was not only capturing little moments of my sweet children (1 and 4 at the time, and a really fun time) I was also putting myself in the photos where I could. Whether it was a family shot and I’d use the self-timer or I was capturing my feet which helped to tell the story of the day. I was using the boring moments, like food shopping, to make it a moment to tell my story – how could I best document it? It was a daily challenge for me to capture our lives visually. And if you are visually inspired then you will understand this. (How can you tell if you are visually inspired? Read this story over here.)
Even during tough times I found photographing nature in December to be soothing. 14 years ago I divorced said husband and found myself a little lost during this period without the kids always with me. Determined to fill my December Daily with beautiful pictures I would head to the coast and see what I found on a walk or swim to add to the project. During this time I would reflect on how I was coping, chat positively to myself and look for beautiful shots to take. This was not an easy period with family being my highest value I struggled, to enjoy the moment. However, capturing and journaling during December certainly helped.
So what changes did I notice within myself during this time?
- I was looking for the small things that brought me joy
- I was capturing a sequence of days which I discovered was very satisfying to see all the things you do in one month
- I put myself in the photos where possible which validated me as a mum and a part of the family (it’s important to get yourself out from behind the lens!).
- Being in the photos made it feel more personal vs unlike for a client where you do not see the photographer
- I was crafting at the end of the day to pull the project together which made me happy and gave some much needed ‘me time’ = filling my cup!
- I created a sweet little album that tells our family story and when you reflect on past years, of which photos are really helpful, it reminds you of these positive happy times. Therefore, I was constantly reflecting and putting myself into a happy state! (This is actually a form of self-hypnosis!)
Capturing December truly became a beautiful project for me and a chance to share my family story in this time of the year. I have now completed 17 December Daily’s (well the current one is still in progress!) and every year I adore the project. I will admit that as the kids are older (although we did add another one to the mix and she’s still little!) and life appears to be busier I do wonder if I will continue it but until this time I am still doing it! And loving it.
Whilst scrapbooking may not be your ‘thing’ what I do believe is that a hobby, project, community etc helps us cope with daily life by giving us something to look forward to. Stepping into the flow of a project floats my boat and I love to be busy & creative. I’d love to hear your thoughts & what has helped you.
You might enjoy this article on How I used photography to improve my mental wellbeing?
9 ways it can help you focus on the good things
Carly is a mum of 3, past photographer & now website designer. Striving for a balanced life is one of her goals in life! But not every day is or can be as balanced as she’d like. Read on to see how she copes with every day life with family, using simple mindset ideas, tricks and tips she has learnt over the past 20 years.